What is a Happy Marriage? 『Rest well, you must be tired』is wrong!? Foreigners' think

 この記事は幸せな結婚生活とは？疲れてるだろうから休んでね♪はダメ！？外国人の考えの英語バージョンです

I described in my previous article why many Japanese relationships fall to what they call "Dead Relationship".

DISCLAIMER:  If you're in a "Happy Relationship", there's nothing wrong whatever your ways are.

This time, I am going to share the three specific processes (mentioned in my previous article) I had to go through based on my experience.

I'll share my own and my friends' experiences who dated Japanese, about the "real problems" we had to go through.  I just thought it might be a good help for some here too.

I was once a pure Japanese-minded and I'd be glad to share how I changed and accepted a different way of loving and being love

1,Lack of communication because of culture. For Japanese, they avoid too much communication because of fere of interference. They think that "too much questions  and care = disturbance."

I have a Filipino friend named Leo, he's been living in Japan for 9 years because of his love for this country.  He was raised in the Philippines and he also lived in different countries like the U.S, the U.K. and South Korea.  He has traveled in some major countries in Asia, Europe and America.  Despite being a traveler, he is determined to stay here in Japan.  

"Japanese don't intrude in someone else's life.  I wanna keep that peace that I have by being alone here.", he said.

I am not sure if it is a Japanese culture or just in our mind, but many  of us think that "not telling what's in your mind is enough as long as there is understanding".  And I agree with that.  Like...

"You mustn't disturb others".

"Don't ask!  Learn by yourself!"

"Action speaks louder than words."

"Synchronicity"

"Google it! asshole"

"KY ( K=kuuki [air in English] ) ( Y=yomenai [can't read] ) = INSENSITIVITY

      I just wrote those as they popped in my mind and it sounds like those Japanese cultures/sayings mean "Asking should be someone's last option of learning."  Don't you think that those things make us, Japanese, avoid asking or communicating?

Don't you consider this as a group of people who are " scared to ask or to talk and just choosing to be always on the safe side" and we are helpless because of those mindset?

     And probably, those are also applied not only in Japanese society but also most of the time, in romantic relationships.

Bebe's American colleague named Ren.

She loves Japand and is able to speak and write in Japanese.  She has a Japanese boyfriend.  One day, she asked Bebe about being in a relationship with a Japanese.  Then Ren opened up her talk about her boyfriend too.  That day, she was supposed to meet him but she told him that she will be late because of her work.  And he answered with care,  "OK, let's just meet next time. You must be tired.  Rest well."  

In her mind "I am tired.  It is I, who is tired.  Not you.  I may be tired but I still wanna meet you.  You just don't wanna meet me, do you?"

Then Ren asked Bebe about my possible opinion.  I answered it was no big deal for Japanese because we have the opinions written above.  For Japanese,  her boyfriend's action is actually a sign of caring.  We think that he is very considerate.  He is just thinking of her. 

Bebe was also like that.  Whe she was new in Japan, we were meeting every weekend so I gone out of topics.  So I was just sending her "Good morning & Good night" texts in days we don't meet.  In my mind,  I wanted her to speak with her family and friends and that she must be tired from work. So I didn't text her that much.   But for her,  "he doesn't care about me, he doesn't mind about my day or who I am with. He doesn't think of me.

One day, she complained that to me.  So I explained my side.  She said she wanted to chat more.  Then I started calling and chatting with her more little by little.  This kind of needs depend on Love Languages.  If you do your best to satisfy your partners needs, complaining will be gone.  I will write more about Love Languages next time.

Finally, my point is that caring has two faces.  One is the caring that avoids interference and the other one is the caring that interferes.  In Japan,  people avoid interference at all cost while in Bebe's community in the Philippines, too much interfere is normal.  So you get frustrated either way.  Being in good balance is the best.