What is a Happy Marriage? Bebe's(Christian) opinion of Japanese relationship rules.

この記事は幸せな結婚生活とは？Bebe（クリスチャン）から見た日本人の恋愛法則の英語バージョンです

In the previous article,  I talked about a relationship that revolves in no fight, respect and comfortability, yet, why do many Japanese fall apart?  The result despite applying those three important things is, many partners still are unhappy which lead them to a dead relationship.  Lucky are those who stay happy just using those three characteristics.

This time, I want to share that Japanese mind about relationship is somehow unusual in the world.  

(※ Disclaimer:  This is my opinion.

If you hate me, please don't hate Japanese.)

Bebe belonged to the top class during her university years as a Psychology student.  She used to be a Catholic Christian but is now practicing Born Again Christian.  Yes, she is a Christian and a possible future Psychologist.  The funny is,  Psychology is based on science,  everything is proven through studies and science.   And Christianity is a religious belief.   Bebe seems to be a hybrid of science and religion.   And that's an interesting irony.  

Her job gives her lots of oppurtunities to talk with Japanese.  They talk to her because they are interested in foreigners' opinions.  She's heard tons of of stories from Japanese people with a foreign partner and from those in a Japanese-Japanese relationship.  

She learns about Japanese-relationship style because of me and also because of the people she talks with at her job.

She verifies why many Japanese relationships are dead from her Psychology background.

1.  Lack of communication because of culture.  For Japanese, they avoid too much communication because of fear of interference.  They think that "too much questions  and care = disturbance."

2.  Compaining and fighting → frustration to each other → they recognize,  "fighting = a bad thing"

3. They think that "no fight, no interference and freedom = comfortability" and that this state is the best.  

We discussed about this and here's what we came up with.  It is difficult to explain through writing so I'll just summarize below.

- Is it necessary to stay in a relationship if you are just mainly like friends?  The only special thing is, sex is included. 

-  For Bebe, Japanese think that they are perfectly fine but there are actually underlying problems that they're avoiding to discuss.  And that makes the death of the relationship stay along the corner.  Bebe explained that it is from her psychology and Christian background.  

- When a Japanese couple is still newly dating, everything is fresh.  They interfere and communicate more even if they have misunderstanding, they don't break up because love is still alive.  

-  The excitement of the relationship stay a few months to three years (maximum).  After this stage, they start avoiding sharing their real feelings just so they don't fight anymore.  Then, they become either of the 3 states above.  When they're already there, they don't know anymore how they got there and no idea what else to do until they end what they had started. 

OOOPPPSS!!!!  WHY DOES IT SOUND SO BAD?!  IT DIDN'T SOUND THIS HEAVY WHILE BEBE AND I WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS.  LOL

But in reality, my past (7 years), my friends (10years),  Bebe's friend who's like a love counselee (8 years),  broke up exactly on this process.

So, how to keep a relationship alive?

Sorry, it's getting longer again.  I'll just continue about this on my next article.