What is a Happy Marriage? Reason why long team relationships break.

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の英語バージョンです

Bebe and I watched a movie『Hope Springs』via Amazon last night.

Meryl Streep (wife) and Tommy Lee Jones (husband) are the main actors.

The husband is stubborn and unable to

accept changes, though he is actually kind-heart and he loves her but he doesn't know how to express his love.

The wife is self-sacrificing, patient and gentle but time came when she felt like every single day is just the same as their every day monotonous life, where love is hardly felt. And that provoked her to pursue her husband to attend an intensive counseling in an extremely rural area which made them feel the lost love they once had.

I felt most Japanese are like the husband in the story "He loves her but he doesn't know how to express his love"

The main reasons why I made this blog are 1) I noticed that many Japanese married life is not going well and 2) I wanna share my experiences and help Japanese who have a foreign partner or are already married to foreigners, but are still struggling with their relationship.

The topic is quite sensitive and long so I am planning to publish a series of this.

Actually, Bebe and I went to a counseling before getting married. Counseling is a requirement of getting married in the Philippines because there is no divorce in their country. It talks about what marriage is, what we should expect, what will be the difficult situations waiting for us and how to solve problems together. And also we had to open up about our present relationship (at that time). The counselor listened to us and made us realize what to do by giving fair advice from his neutral perspective He's a Filipino who has been living for over 30 years in Japan. He works as a volunteer for international couples under a local government. He speaks Filipino, Japanese and English fluently so he knows both cultures and marrige life and that made us feel at ease in sharing. We owe him because Bebe and I were having lots of fights during that time and his counseling made us understand each other more.

Japanese, especially men, dont share their emotions or relationships even to their close friends. So, we, decide what to do based on our experiences and opinions only.

For example...

Situation: Wife is cleaning or cooking. The husband is playing games.

Husband's mind: ( Cleaning and cooking are for wives. And if she does not complain, it means I can SOMETIMES play games.)

Wife's mind: ( Why do I always have to take care of our house? Why only I? Can't you ask "can I help you?" even once!? You ALWAYS play games! )

Subconscious Mind

Husband: Basically, houseworks are for women.

If she doesn't complain, there's no big deal.

If I SOMETIMES play games, there's no big deal.

Wife: Houseworks is not a problem but I don't like it if he does not help at all.

I wanna cook with him. ( It is not just because of cooking, but to spend time

with him instead.)

Always games!!! You prefer playing games alone instead of spending time with

me.

Just like that ( ※Experienced person is saying)

The problem here is...

Men think that

his action is no big deal for him.

Women think that she just doesn't say but

she's frustrated deep inside.

In my opinion, this usually happens not only among Japanese but also to everyone who's in a long-term relationship and this mind-difference is one of the reasons of falling apart.

This example may seem very simple. But as every single misundersding adds up, men notice about the problem when it is already almost too late.

I had an ex-girl friend and we had been together for seven years. She is nice, we barely fought, we seemed to have no problems in our relationship. My friends, family and I thought that we would get married someday, so it was shocking for everyone that she broke up with me.

In my next article, I'll share about my past relationship (Japanese Motoke).